19 Jan

Are you?

Or me. Who am I?

Who. are. You? a 5am sketch

Who. are. You? a 5am sketch

In the midst of being momma, wife, friend…. Sometimes I forget. Where did I come from? Where am I going? Where do I want to go? Who do I want to be… Nothing prompts these self evaluations like late night/ early morning wake ups. Sitting in the dark nursing my little one…. Oh yes, it’s exactly where I want to be, where I need to be indeed and yet I find myself wondering about me. I am more than wife and momma. Don’t get me wrong, these tags are so very important to me but I believe it makes me a better momma and wife if I am something more than “just” these rolls, which, when it comes down to it are jobs. Lovely, permanent, important, beautiful jobs. But, when you go to any other job interview, have you noticed that the interviewer will ask you what your interests and hobbies are? There is so much more to a person than their job title. There is so much more to a momma and wife than just those titles. My husband “interviewed” me over our years of courtship. He loves and values the person I was and have grown to be, and it’s just as important to our marriage for me to nourish myself, my intellect, interests and personality as to have a good dinner made and the house clean (okay… I’ve been seriously lax on the housekeeping lately. Oops.)

In any case…. I was nursing and wondering.

I used to paint. I used to draw…. I set it aside. It’s all very messy and time consuming. I focused more on sewing and knitting lately- it makes a product, right? Something useful. So I pour my time into that. I love knitting and sewing, of course, it’s still art! BUT, I found myself missing my other art. The paint, the pencil, the canvas, the paper.  I have some of these things. And sharpie markers. I love my sharpies… Why should I not draw and doodle? Why should I not challenge my creativity in another medium? The pen and paper doodles are very theraputic, and not messy. Certainly less messy than busting out my fabric stash and firing up the sewing machine. Sure, there is no “useable” product at the end of the day, but there is great value in a more relaxed momma. So… at about 4:30am this morning I came down stairs while the rest of the house was still sleeping, made myself a cup of tea, and doodled. It’s not much… but it’s a start.

So… now giggle-puss baby R is wandering around merrily, momma is relax and we are just now slowly moving towards our day (though we have yet to greet the sun. ;))

Be blessed and creative everyone!

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